There is no presumption in family law that children should live in a shared care arrangement. Every child is unique and what may suit one child may not suit another, even in the same family. What parenting arrangement is best for a particular child depends on things like their age, the ability of the parents to communicate and co-parent, the level of conflict between the parents, whether there are any risks to the child in the care of other parent, how far away the parents live from each other; and so on.
As a general rule of thumb in cases where parents are in high conflict, and/or there are risks such as violence, drugs, alcohol, mental health and the like, a court would be unlikely to order a shared care arrangement.
The age of the child
Young children (under 5) may not cope well with a shared care arrangement. Very young children need a primary base with the person with whom they have their primary attachment. It does not mean that they shouldn’t spend lots of time with the other parent provided they are safe. Young children need to spend lots of time with the other parent to develop their attachment. The best sort of time for young children is short periods of time but frequently. Young children often do not cope well with overnights, as staying overnight away from their primary parent can jeopardise their attachment. The best parenting arrangements made for young children acknowledge that they do need the primary base and that will allow them to better develop their relationship with the other parent.
Primary school age children usually cope better with a shared care arrangement but parents need to be able to communicate with each other about all the sorts of issues that arise when children move between homes.
The same applies for high school age children with the additional consideration that teenagers are starting to exert their independence, and other interests take priority over time with parents.
How well parents communicate, and share values
Any parenting arrangement will work better if parents are able to communicate with each other. Many issues arise when children move between homes and parents need to be able to navigate these issues without exposing the children to conflict.
Whether it is equal or otherwise a parenting arrangement will also work better if parents are on the same page with their parenting values, for example that there is agreement about bedtime, household chores, time on devices, homework and so on. To note - These sorts of issues are rarely spelled out in court orders. The court considers that sort of detail is unnecessary in a court order. These sorts of matters could however be documented in a separate parenting plan where you are free to include whatever you want that relates to the parenting of children.
Here are some things to think about.
The How, When and What of communication
How will parents communicate with each other about these issues? You should establish this and include it in your orders. For example you might agree to communicate by text unless it is an emergency in which case it will be by phone; or you could use email, or you could communicate using one of the many different parenting apps.
When will you communicate? On a weekly basis as a wrap up of the week and a means to let the other parent know what is coming up? In addition, as things arise?
You might also consider putting timeframes on your communication to establish your expectations. For example, if a parent sends a written communication the other parent undertakes to respond within…24 hours if it is important? 7 days if it is not? You could agree to specify what time frame you would like a response by and make sure it is clear for each topic.
What will you communicate? How detailed will you each be? Something that seems to cause a lot of conflict is when one parent communicates as if they are telling the other parent how to parent in their time.
Here are some example orders:
The parents will communicate by text/email/app in the first instance unless it is an emergency in which case they will communicate by telephone.
The parent with whom the children have lived with for the week or send the other parent a short communication on Sunday informing the other parent of any information necessary for the coming week.
Each parent will inform the other if the child is hospitalised or requires medical treatment.
What is the actual arrangement?
Orders for an equal shared parenting arrangement, must specify what the arrangement looks like. For example is it week about? Or some other configuration? The change over day, time, and location should ideally be specified. An order could provide for parents to agree these things but a sensible parenting order contains a fall back position.
For example - “the change over location that does not occur at school will take place at a location agreed between the parents but failing agreement at… ( a particular place).
An example of an equal time order is:
The children shall live with each parent in a week about shared care arrangements with changeovers to take place from the conclusion of school on Fridays*.
Changeovers that do not occur at school will take place at a location agreed between the parents but failing agreement at… ( a particular place ).
*There is no right or wrong answer as to when the changeover should take place, it is always what is best for your child. Some parents think it's best for the changeover to be after school on Friday so that children have the whole weekend to settle into the other parent’s home before the school week begins. Whereas other parents might suggest that the changeovers take place at school on Monday morning. If so, orders should also provide what will happen if Monday is a public holiday as it often is.
Here are some other examples of equal shared care arrangements:
The 2/2/5/5/ model
Over a fortnight: two nights with parent 1, two nights with parent 2, five nights with parent 1, five nights with parent 2.
Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat Sun
M M D D M M M
M M D D D D D
The advantage of this model is that the children spend the same week night with the same parent from Monday to Thursday but then they alternate weekends. Another advantage is that the children are not away from each parent for more than 5 nights at a time. This is also a good arrangement if the children have an extra-curricular activity that always falls on a the same week day, the same parent would take them each week. It's also good to be able to have alternate weekends.
The disadvantage is that there are a lot of changeovers which some children could find confusing.
The order
The children shall live with each parent in a shared care arrangement as follows:
The 3/3/1 model
Children spend the first three nights with one parent, the next three nights with the other and then the remaining day is alternated. For example, with the mother on Monday Tuesday Wednesday, with the father on Thursday Friday Saturday then in one week the Sunday is spent with the father and the following week the Sunday spent with the mother.
This has the same advantage to the earlier model of spending the same week night with the same parent and it might be a better arrangement as there are less changeovers. The disadvantage is that children do not get to spend an entire weekend with one parent.
The order is drafted the same way as the earlier model just substitute the days.
The Rolling days model
The children spend a certain number of nights with each parent and then the same number of with the other parent, for example three nights with Dad, then three nights with Mum, and so on. Overtime each parent gets to have time on weekends. The advantage is that the children are not away from each parent for longer than the specified number of nights. A disadvantage is that there are more changeovers, whole weekends do not come around quickly, and it may be confusing.
“The children shall live with each parent in a shared care arrangement such that The children spend three nights with one parent, then the next three nights with the other parent, and so on”
Fortnight about
This may work better for some children particularly if they find it difficult to settle into each home, as it gives them longer to do so before changing homes. This would usually not work for younger children who need to see each parent more regularly.
A 6/8 model – 6 nights with one parent, 8 with the other
Although this is not a strictly equal shared time arrangement, it is very close to being so.
Here are some other things to think about.
These are just some examples of the sorts of issues that arise for children when they live in a shared care arrangement. Some children will flourish in a shared care arrangement. Some children will see it as fair that they get to spend equal time with each parent. However other children just don't move easily between homes.
Children will do best in a shared care arrangement where:
